I just received the following comment concerning what I wrote last night (see previous post):
An anonymous comment was left:
I've been following your blog for some time and as a fellow Kaz family, I must tell you that your words "but we still have babies to rescue and save" are shocking. Our son from Kaz is a gift and a blessing but we in no way believe we was in in need of a rescue or saving. It was us, my husband and myself, that were in need of a child. Many in the adoptive community believe that the attitude of "saving" children will be harmful when you go through the process of discussing adoption with your child. Every child is a blessing and it he/she is going to be the one who eventually decides whether their adoption was a positive thing - we can only offer true answers about their adoption process and birth families.I wish you the best of luck with your adoption but encourage you to seek out information that will help support your understandings of the impact of adoption on children.
Ok.. so the first thing I want to say is yes I know this... I am not an idiot and do not plan to tell my child in anyway that we saved them... HELLO! Maybe using those terms here was not exactly the best choice of words, but I am not going to go back now and change what I said. Let me just say that when I said we were going to rescue and save... I did not mean rescue and save in the same sense that maybe this reader understood... Better wording would have been, "We still have babies/children to get to!" I probably should have worded it differently, but God spoke to our heart to do this... in a bold and amazing way... and KNOW beyond a doubt that God led us to Kazakhstan... if you'd like to know all those reasons.. just ask... I'd love to chat with you via e-mail. Those very reasons are what led me to say rescue and save...
Phil and I have talked at great length about how that this child/children are really saving us along with lots of other people.... (people whose lives have already been touched via our adoption story!)
I have to admit that my palms are sweating and my is stomach rolling.. just this comment alone is enough to make me think maybe I don't want to post my inner thoughts and feelings for all the world to see and know..
I'd also like to say this.. If I was going to say something like the above reader said to me... I wouldn't comment anonymous... I would put my name and be open to discussion...
I know that I shouldn't be upset about this... and that NONE of you really KNOW me at all.. but, the fact that this reader pointed out that I might be doing or saying something that would be "harmful" to any of my children.. breaks my heart! I guess I had just hoped that through my blog you (as readers) have been able to see my heart and realize that our children are our world (future babies included) and loving them, keeping them from harm, and helping them be like Jesus is our number one goal.
Please accept my apology if anyone is offended by the statement that the reader pointed out.. that was not my intention whatsoever... and I would never intentionally offend or hurt ANYONE.. ever...
Please let me know what you guys are thinking... I think I have more than one reader... but, maybe not..
please be honest... but, if you could not comment anonymously that would be nice.. I will do the same for you on your blog.. PROMISE!
I could go on and on.... but, I'll stop..
If you don't mind.. say a little prayer for me today.. cause this one reader has me upset..
Thanks..
Lanetta
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17 comments:
Oh honey! I'm so sorry that comment was left. I have to point out at one point or another in our lives we all need saving. I am a firm believer that if you don't like what you read then don't read it! I also believe that if you are going to leave a comment stand behind it.
You are on your mission. No one else's. You are allowed to feel any way you wish about it! Don't let anyone's words take away from what you are doing. I am hurting for you. Please know there are some people out there (me!) that don't take every single word and tear it apart- I see the whole picture.
Please know you have a friend in me- and if you ever need anything please let me know!
Focus on your boys! You know in your heart what you are doing!
I agree with what Becki has said above..."You are on YOUR mission. No one else's. You are allowed to feel any way you wish about it!"
Thats EXACTLY the same thing I was thinking when I read what "anonymous" wrote. This is your journey and your family....dont let someone who cant see the grand scheme of things get you down. Try and have a great day! :)
Wow.....I have to say that WHOEVER left that comment does not truly understand....What a pitiful shame. And shame on them for not leaving their name. Shame, shame, shame.....Lanetta, those of us who understand you, understand adoption, and understand how God has brought us to this journey know EXACTLY how you came to write what you wrote, and how you feel. It IS our responsibility to take care of the orphans of our world. I am so very sorry that this reader does not understand that. Obviously everyone has different reasons for their adoption and I can only hope that their reasons for adoption put their son's well-being above ALL else. It should be a very selfless decision. I am so sorry this has upset you, Lanetta.
Good for you for having the courage to share that post because the reality is-- THEY ARE WRONG. IF the situation with your boys was not one in which they needed an alternative to the hands they've been dealt, so to speak, then you WOULDN'T BE ADOPTING THEM. Period. Whatever their circumstances, the government of Kazakhstan obviously feels you are going to give them what is in their best interest, or they wouldn't LET you adopt them. So, are you rescuing them from some situation that their own government feels may not be in their best interest? YOU BET. Are they saving you by filling voids in your heart and being nothing but the blessings that God ordains each child to be? YOU BET! Why does it have to be one or the other? The answer is that it doesn't.
My feelings on anonymous posts (you know from my blog) are this: Buck up and stand behind your comments. Disagreement is one thing, and can be done with civility and respect. Throwing out comments that insinuate you are not educated in what you are doing with the adoption of these boys is cowardly.
And, for the record, though my mom chose life when she told the old sperm donor to kiss off...she DID save me. My dad, when he married my mom...he DID save me. And I've never thought anything different about it and am eternally grateful.
I do believe that the impact of adopting a child is far less severe than the impact of abandoning them.
And I would not let Mr. or Mrs. Anonymous micro analyze your words, your heart is clear.
george and debbie
Lanetta,I wanted to tell you one of the reasons I love following your story IS because you know God, his mission for you, the scriptures and his presence in all that happens in this journey!Your feelings and honesty and beautiful spirit helps all of us going through this journey with the same beliefs.Everyone going through the wild ride of internatonal adoption has a different journey and mission.Some of us have been called by God and for others it may be more to create a family for their own purposes.For those who read and understand and believe the scriptures know that we have a responsibility to help those in need. For those called by God know the desire to do his will .Others need to remember that everyone will have a different purpose and each family needs to do what is right for their own family whether it is saving and rescuing or to simply want a child or both.We must also remember not everyone will agree with our purposes or misinterperet our words but that is O.K.Yes,that sometimes means our feelings will be ruffled.I am sorry this commenter has hurt you without leaving a name to have an open discussion. Your little ones will be soo blessed however to have a mother like you who will teach them about their adoption from your tender heart and how God brought you all together.It is important and good to become knowlegable how to bring up adoption.Knowledge is power but,with this knowledge the holy spirit will guide your words.Try not to fret over this.You have a beautiful,tender heart who has been called by God!! Hugs
Oh my word! I went and read all the comments. I do agree with most of what those people said on adoption related issues HOWEVER, how on earth could they know your heart by reading a blog. Give me a break. I do not agree with the snide (did I spell that right?) way they went about "talking" to you.
There is nothing written in anything you have posted that suggests you don't know what you are doing. Nor should they assume. How stupid.
I have only been reading your blog for a few weeks and I know you are going to be a great mom to any child!
And you know what else - that same person who posted the link, did so on my TN blog AND the Two Hearts blog. He/she posted first on the TN blog then tried to on the Two Hearts but I deleted the comment.
Have some guts and tell me who you are! It is totally another Kaz person, I just wish I knew who! How can they think Two Hearts is a BAD thing! Now that is insane!
This is your blog and you are free to express your heart throughout this journey however you want!
It was very rude for the person to leave such a blunt statement and I hope you will not let it bother you for another minute. Adoption is such a personal thing and everyone is free to view it in their own way.
As an adoptee myself and as an adoptive mom, I know exactly what you meant when you said "rescue & save". In reality we do "save" the children we adopt from possible institutional scarring and life on the streets as a teenager.
I know you well enough to know your heart is to give your son or sons the chance to know Jesus Christ as their Savior and so in that way they will be rescued and saved for eternity, just as we all need to be!
Check into the comment moderation feature and I do suggest you make your blog private as you get closer to travel. Love to you!
Okay, you know what? I didn't even bat an eyelash at the language you used. It didn't jump off the page at me like something offensive usually would. I'm sorry you had to have someone judge you for this and worse yet, ruin your day. Tommorow's a new day Lanetta, I hope it brings you lots of internal sunshine! :)
Blessings to you and your family,
MaryAnn
Lanetta, I'm sorry this happened to you. I also read your post exactly as you meant it, with no grander meaning. It is very hurtful when your motives are doubted but just know that you are in charge of your life, only you know what is in your heart. I also once read a great book -- The Four Agreements. One of the main things I got from that book that I try to remember often in my life is this .... It is never about you. You can't take things personally. Most times, it's really about them and they responded because something touched a chord in them with something you said. Stay true!!
Steph
WOW! Of all the things for Satan to throw at you...this is the best he can do?? Seriously?? I LOVE YOU!!!!~~Mimi~~
Lanetta,
Please, follow your heart and post as you wish on YOUR blog -- that's what makes your journey unique. You are saving a child from a life without a family, a life without God, a life that statistically does not turn out well if someone doesn't rescue him. Maybe Mr. or Mrs. Anon is kidding themselves about the realities children that grow up in orphanages face, but saving and rescuing is not an inaccurate description.
Dearest Lanetta,
I have followed your blog for a long while as well. Throughout your process, you have shared with us the vision God has placed on your heart. I have never once heard you speak of the beautiful country of Kazakhstan or its orphans with anything but a sincere and loving heart. Your determination, passion, and openness, to not only bring an orphan home, but also share this vision with all that are called to "take care of orphans and widows" is inspiring. It gives the whole body of Christ an opportunity to take part in "Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and faultless." Your example gives the rest of us more hope, more of a "We can" attitude; even more an example of faith in God as he answers your biggest needs. You and Phil are leaders and I assure you, there are many of us who are truly and deeply thankful that you are not only sharing this journey with us, but opening up your heart to us as well.
As far as "rescuing" an orphan. I have often heard that by allowing Christ into our lives, we are allowing Him to "rescue" us from a life of death, pain, and suffering. When we bring an orphan home, into a Christian home, from a non-christian country, or even a non-christian environment here in the U.S., and then show that orphan the love of Christ, are we not also in a sense doing our part to "rescue" just as we were rescued?
I have seen what happens to orphans as they age out of the system in other countries; how many of them end up living homeless or even committing suicide. Kazakhstan, however, has a wonderful system in place to foster the best possible growth, development, and atmosphere for their orphans, thanks in part to Sara Alpysovna Nazarbaeva. The value Kazakhstan places on their children so parallels our own, that we were immediately drawn to this country.
I admire this country's priorities in place for their orphans.
Dearest Lanetta, your heart is aching for the child or children the God of the Universe planted in your heart over a year and a half ago. Yes, your previous post was an emotional one, but anyone who follows it, really follows it, knows exactly what your heart is saying. A more appropriate comment from "anonymous" might have been just to share with you what she has learned through her process and maybe even offer a few words of wisdom. Even better would have been to share it in a personal e-mail to you. The information age does have its down side, doesn't it.
Once again, dearest Lanetta, because you remain open, we have all learned another valuable lesson.
All My Love and With Deepest Regards,
Janie
Lanetta,
When we met Nina at the Babyhouse she did not speak, she seemed vacant and was malnurished. In more than 3 weeks we never saw her smile. She spent most of her life in two rooms with 15 other children and one or two "mamas' for the bunch. When she went outside, it was to "play" in a dirt yard littered with broken glass and stray dogs.The adult she most loved was the doctor, because she was the only person in her life who touched her. Nina was sick the whole time there, went undiagnosed for a correctable vision disorder, lacked adequate immunizations, was exposed to TB. I won't even go into her experiences before the babyhouse.
I could go on but I think you get the point that this was not a good place.
What exactly do you call it when one is taken from a bad place and brought to a good place? Save and rescue seem resonable to me
Now I am not saying that I did not receive as much or more in this transaction. I did. Such is the nature of adoption it is mutual.
This fiction though that the orphanages are nice, warm, loving places is ridiculous. I fell into myself. But by the time we finished our 1st trip I knew the truth. You bet I rescued my daughter, not a minute to soon. I shudder to think what would have become of her AND US had we not found each other when we did.
I saved Nina and she saved me right back!
wow, if all these comments dont show you that regardless of what these people say or think you are on the right track. And you have an amazing support system who is willing to stand behind you and your mission.
1 Peter 5:8-11
8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
Lanetta,
I hope you are feeling better. This kind of thing really is immature for someone to leave an anonymous comment like that. We have totally experienced that feeling of being saved (us and others connected to us) through our adoption. It brought so many blessings and that is how I define saved. So many more blessings than we could have anticipated. And I know our son is a different person than if he were still at the baby house. He is surrounded by so much love. What more can you ask for? People really get caught up in words a little too much. Your children are going to know how much you love them, because you can tell that you have a big heart just from reading this blog and I don't know you personally. That is the funny thing about blogging. You can express things about yourself, but it is only a tiny window into who you really are. How can anyone judge you based on a blog? Now seriously.
Sorry I missed the drama.. but know that I totally understand what God has asked you to do. We were asked the same.
I am praying for you, your family and your children...
Tracy
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