Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ramblings... BEWARE!!!

ok.. I just want to start out by saying that this is MY blog... my place to share my thoughts, my feelings, my heart... so, I need to vent about this.. and decided this was the place...

Let me give you an update on our little Brooklyn so you'll have more of a clue about why I'm so worked up...

She has been VERY sick the past few weeks.. Started with random joint swelling (and bruising), pain, and low grade fever.. ended with NUMEROUS ER visits, Dr's visits and a trip to OU Children's Hospital..(within that time frame lots of things were thrown at us like leukemia, lupus, juv. rheum. arthritis.. etc.. ) and even suspected a brain tumor at one point due to a HUGE swelling on her head...

Talk about a SCARY and LONG 3 weeks. We ended up with a diagnosis of Rheumatic Fever. They are saying the Rheum. Fever was caused by an untreated strep infection. (She came in contact with strep and her little body never showed any signs or symptoms of it.) Her body then began fighting the infection and began to work against itself. She does not and did not have strep now or when they did the testing, but the Rheum. Fever was the side effects of having had the infection. Due to her YOUNG age and SEVERITY of symptoms (she couldn't even walk part of the time), they are saying that she has a heightened chance of heart conditions later in life and the next infection/virus could/will go straight to her little heart.

They are treating her with LONG term antibiotics and we have an appointment with a pedia. cardiologist in a few weeks. (to follow her heart very closely).. We had a tonsiladnoidectomy last Fri. as a preventive measure to try to keep the infection down.... while all this is going on.. Phil and Bay both get sick, therefore have to stay away from Brook for 48+ hours. I had to take Brook after surgery and stay at my mom's... whew... wow.. what a 3 week stretch... oh.. and school started back and I went back to work... :-)

Ok... so as you can imagine the stress level has been high..
I have been asked numerous ?'s about Brook and about our family lately...
One question that I've been asked more than once that really upsets me is this:
Is the adoption still on? Are you still going through with the adoption?

Now, if you are reading this blog post and you've wondered that same thing... I'm sorry... but, I'm just going to be blunt here! This is the only way I know how to explain how significant this ? is to me...

Asking me that question would be like asking me (if I was 8 months pregnant), if I was going to terminate the pregnancy since Brook is sick. That is what that question feels like to me... I about fell over the first time I was asked... but, as I was asked it several times, I realized that there are so many people that obviously DO NOT GET THIS OR ME!!! That is ok.. but, I had to share my thoughts about this...

Not going through with this adoption would be like suffering the death of one or my children.... I love my future baby(ies) like I do my girls.. Those of you that have been pregnant can relate... you feel the baby move, you know it's there.. you already LOVE it long before holding it for the first time... That is what has happened to Phil and I both... I can hardly talk about my boy(s) without tearing up... My heart is so consumed with love for them, I can hardly stand it... I know that this is hard for some of you to "get"... and if you don't that's ok..

God spoke to my heart on Sept. 24, 2007... and he didn't ask me to do it... I asked him... God WHAT CAN I DO... HOW CAN I MAKE A DIFFERENCE? It was then that I knew.. Phil and I were supposed to adopt... I think the seed of love and adoption for my future babies was birthed that day and has grown into something that is SO hard for me to put into words...
I am crying as I write this post...
yes, Brook could have long term heart problems... do you think God didn't know that when he spoke to me?

There are one or two children in Kazakhstan that God made specifically for Phil and I to love and raise... When those boy(s) were being formed in their Mother's Womb... God had a plan for their little lives.. and he knew at that MOMENT in time that they were my children....

So.. yes, the adoption is still on.. We will fight, wait, cry, and we will pray, praise and wait longer until God sees fit that we complete our family..

who knows.. we might even do this again after Kazakhstan...
You know there are 143 million babies without a family or ANYONE to care for them TONIGHT... right now as you go and snuggle into your warm bed... there are children dying of starvation and neglect.. Children alone...

Lord please use us for your Glory!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Prayer Request

Please know that I have not forgotten you my cute blog and all my wonderful faithful blog readers...

My Brooklyn has been VERY sick.... and it's been very stressful..
Please say a prayer for her... I would appreciate it so much!
And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name, welcomes me!” Matt 18:5

Visit our website...

Click here to visit our website to read about how our journey to international adoption began... and how God spoke to our hearts to open our lives and family to a child who otherwise might not ever know him.
God bless!

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