A year later... a different perspective!

It's 12:20 am on Jan. 21st, 2012...  in my mind it still feels like Jan. 20, 2012....  so let me fill you in on my day just a little bit.

Phil had elbow surgery today.   We've been in the hospital all day.  His surgery was this morning and it took a little over 3 hours, then recovery and finally in a room this evening!   It was a LONG day.   He is doing good, but in a lot of pain!   Morphine + some other NICE strong pain meds are helping him out and he's enjoying that IV drip...  I on the other hand am a little stir crazy.    I can't stop thinking about one year ago RIGHT now... 
Goodness...  how has it been a year already?  and GOODNESS... it feels like 12 years ago!   It's amazing how it feels like such a long time ago and just yesterday all in the same thought!  

Today has been a good day... despite being concerned about my Phil! :)   It was one of those days that I knew I was EXACTLY where I was supposed to be at the EXACT time I was supposed to be there.  I. LOVE. KNOWING. THAT!     It makes me smile inside and feel so humbled at the same time!   I can't tell you how wonderful it really feels to share about our amazing God!    I can remember a time when I was leery to share... and wondered how people would look at me, think of me, or label me...   Not anymore... honestly, it gets easier EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. you share and the amazing feeling of 'knowing' you are sharing about the Lord... well, that's indescribable to me!   Try it... you will not believe how wonderful it feels!    As you've probably guessed I had some conversations with some people in the waiting room today.    Amazing...  While I was chatting with, showing love to, and getting to know COMPLETE strangers - who just 'happened' (yeah right) to be in the exact waiting room I was in today...  I realized that maybe I should volunteer and just show up in hospitals.   There were SO many worried people in that one large area today.    It was so amazing to just begin to talk with them...  and before you know it... God is opening up an amazing door to witness for him!   SIMPLY amazing!    

I also enjoyed today with 'just' my Phil!   I'm sure he will shake his head at me and smile (maybe ;))  in a few days when he reads this, but we talked on the way to the hospital about where we were one year ago right now.   
ONE year ago right now... I can tell you exactly where we were...    Jan. 20, 2011 was the day we had court session number 6!  It was a day of desperation for us... it was a day that we wondered if we would survive the very thing God had called us to do...   It was the day BEFORE our breakthrough and man o man am I SO glad and thankful that we didn't give up...  You see we were ONCE again on the BRINK of something amazing.    We didn't know it, but HE knew it!     Remember that this story of our journey and life is for YOU... to remind YOU tonight/today/tomorrow that you never know when YOUR miracle is 12 hours from occurring.  You never know - God could be sending your miracle the very next second.    If you'd like to read about where we were one year ago today...  CLICK HERE.

Don't give up my precious friends!   No matter what the circumstances around you look like!  No matter who is believing or trusting with you!  No matter how impossible it looks!  No matter how you FEEL!   DIG into the word... quote scriptures OUT LOUD and remind the Lord of the promises that he has promised YOU!     Those scriptures in that bible are for YOU and me!    You can trust him!  Believe him...  HE desires to see YOUR hearts desire come to pass.   HE LOVES YOU and cares where you are today!   In fact, I believe IF you are reading this, it was for a purpose!  :)   He knew you needed to read it!  

Sorry... I got a little 'preachy' there!   Sometimes that just happens when I start writing!  

In between talking with my new friends (waiting room companions) I've had LOTS of alone time to think!   Phil and I talked on the way here about the past year and we talked about IF we could go back one year in time EXACTLY - back to that court room in Kazak...  would we do anything differently?!    It was an eye opener for us and made us realize that we needed to live each day with NO regrets!  I wish I could look back over the past year and say that I had NO regrets, but, that's not true...   We do have things we'd do differently!   Goodness...those first few weeks home.. (if I knew what I know now) would most definitely be differently!   

So...   It's actually 12:45 am here...  so in Pavlador, Kazakhstan it's 12:36 pm on Jan. 21, 2012.   That means that exactly ONE year ago right now we were at the apartment getting ready to go to court session number 7!     It was NOT a fun time...   I will never forget it.    I don't think we ate anything.   I think we were fairly silent and it was a pretty quite place.   Phil focused on praise and worship songs on his MP3.   I read, reread and quoted EVERY single scripture I could find and remember.  I sat at this very laptop at the desk in that apartment and read and reread all YOUR comments and messages.   Comments of love, prayers and MASSIVE concern.    If you sent us a message - YOU will never know how much to encouraged us!   THANK YOU!      Some of you sent messages more than once... if that was you.. THANK you a million times over... and if you prayed... thank you a zillion times.   

Phil is dozing in and and out of sleep...   If you'd have told me where I'd be today ONE year ago right now.. I'd have laughed and said BRING it on!   Now.... I'd go back there!     Isn't it amazing how life works?   Phil had pizza for dinner (it sounded good to him) and I asked him if it was good.   He said, "It's ok, but it's NOT Classic Pizza!"      

Jan. 21, 2011 - It was the day that the judge FINALLY said YES!   It was not what I had anticipated.... now, don't get me wrong...   it was awesome, incredible, and amazing!   We were humbled, honored, and OH so so thankful!   Looking back at the blog, I realize I didn't even update for weeks later... sorry about that!   
I honestly got SO sick.   I can't even explain how physically sick I became while we were at Krendal's celebrating that night... and it just continued to get worse and worse.   I remember the flight from Pavlodar to Almaty - I stayed in the bathroom of that little plane for 80% of the flight...  SO sick!       It was the physical effects of fighting on so many levels for so long (I think)... and the combination of leaving F and G there.   It was heartbreaking, yet ok... because we knew they were REALLY ours.     

One year - 365 days ago right now... was life changing for us!   We were blessed beyond our wildest imagination and didn't even really know or realize how much we were being 'saved' by two precious, tiny, underweight, miraculous twin babies!       365 days ago they were kissing a book with pictures of their Nana and sisters... TONIGHT they are snuggled up with Nana in her house- sleeping soundly! Their tummies are full, their hearts are full, and I can promise you they KNOW they are loved by their family and an amazing SAVIOR!  :)  

Then Jesus said,

“Did I not tell you if you believed you would see the Glory of God!”

John 11:41

Trust him...  PLEASE... Trust him!   It's ALL for YOU Lord... All for YOUR Glory! 

I can't wait to see what the next 365 days brings!     Bring it Lord!    :)    Phil and I laughed today and talked about where we'd be on this day next year!   You just never know... but, I can promise you this - We will be attempting with EVERYTHING in us to be where he wants us to be!!!    :)     

.... and the journey continues!!! 

A year ago - - and some ramblings! :)

I am honestly so disappointed in myself that I've not made the time to come here and write more often in the past months... but, I haven't... I'm sorry!      

I will try to write more and do better...     I have SO SO SO SO many posts brewing and in my soul and spirit just waiting to SPILL out that once I ever really get going here it might be unreal the amount to 'stuff' I share... :)

I have no idea if anyone is even still here or reading about our little family, but there are some things I want to share.  
Faith and Grace have been home 10 months!  Amazing...  absolutely amazing....
It honestly feels like they've ALWAYS been here...  :)      HOWEVER, I can easily (and I mean easily) remember one year ago RIGHT now...    Anyone else remember?    We were in Kazakhstan - FIGHTING for our girls!    We'd had 5 court sessions, been gone from home around 3 months, but had experienced miracle after miracle after miracle! 
My post for one year ago today was a tear jerker for me:  Click here to read!   It is SO easy for me to remember EVERYTHING about that time in our lives.  I can remember the smells, sights, sounds.... waking up in the middle of the night in that cold apartment - CRYING out to God!  I remember feeling his presence in the midst of spiritual warfare.   I remember KNOWING we were battling things beyond ourselves... and KNOWING that our God was GREATER than any power, or force that was against us. 
I can also remember days of desperation.... days when I wondered if we would surely crumble under the weight of it all...  One year ago today was one of those days when we had to DECIDE if we were going to keep battling or just give up.. IT. WAS. HARD! 

Maybe one of you are struggling with something in your own life.    Maybe you are waiting on God to move... maybe your heart is breaking.    Maybe you are facing situations in your life that 'look' impossible...  Don't FEAR...  lean on Jesus..    I can promise you that HE WILL COME THROUGH for you.   It might 'feel' like he's left you... it might 'feel' like he's forgotten, but rest assured my friends... HE. HAS. NOT. FORGOTTEN. YOU!    

Remembering the past few weeks as we walked through that battle one year ago has been emotional for me... it's been amazing to re walk the road again this year... and honestly, it's helped the fights to not seem so loud, the battles to feel not so big and the HUGS and KISSES to be sweeter and longer! :)

Reading back and remembering our life one year ago and the fact that Faith and Grace were in that orphanage tonight one year ago... makes my heart sink.     It honestly is SO humbling.  I can't even tell you how honored we are that God chose us to walk this road.   I feel so unworthy and undeserving.  Thank goodness that our God doesn't look at who we are, but what we can become THROUGH and WITH him!   

The past 10 months have been AMAZING!   I honestly don't know how to find the words to adequately describe it.    
There have been ups and there have been downs. 
We have experienced everything from massive loving and happiness to tears and meltdowns and fighting!      There has been food thrown, hugs given, and snuggles happen.  Along with spitting, smiling, and lots of bath time!  
I have to admit that the good, happy times WAY out weigh the bad, but there have been times when I've sat down and just cried.

Lots of people have asked us how we are all 'really'  doing.  It's really easy to answer this question.  We are really all doing AWESOME!       As I just mentioned, it's not all been a bed of roses and there are still LOTS of times when it's overwhelming around here... but, overall things are incredible.  

It's hard to describe the progress that Faith and Grace have honestly made... the BEST way I know to describe it is this:    They were two little girls who had NEVER basically been outside the walls and iron fence of an institution in Kazakhstan.   Faith had NEVER ridden in a car (since she was 3 months old) and Grace had only ridden in a car ONE time before.    It was like taking 2 little babies who were starving for attention, food, love and stimulation and giving them the world.   Just imagine what it had/has to be like for them.    They are most likely still in shock!  ;)      I've read LOTS of stories and books and blogs about attachment, bonding, and families... and I know that we've been SUPER blessed!   Faith and Grace have both bonded to us like little magnets.    Yes, there are some issues and we still have struggles.  They get overstimulated easily and we've had to adjust lots.... but, overall they have changed and developed and attached.   They are speaking English, singing, playing and going 900 mph nonstop!  :) 

We've also had LOTS of people ask about the famous big sisters!  Bailey and Brooklyn are amazing!  I posted on facebook a few times about how incredibly blessed I feel... and I mean that!  Baily has matured and stepped into the role of BIGGEST sister in ways that are baffling!   She is incredible with them and SO wise beyond her years.    Brook has done amazing as well!   She has (of course) had a little harder time figuring out her place in all this craziness... but, has LOVED her new role as BIG sister as well.     She loves to carry them around and baby them and pretend.     Bailey and Brooklyn have both adjusted amazingly well and honestly I once again am in awe of God's amazing plan!   Silly - I know!    Why would I think he'd do something halfway!   It's amazing how when God does something... he takes care of EVERYONE involved!!!    Amazing... and just like HIM! 

I have lots of pics to share and even a couple of videos, but I'll just have to wait on those...sorry!   I really do plan to attempt to post more often and share more of God's dealings and the churnings in my heart.   I have NO idea if any of you are interested in reading them... but, maybe they will encourage someone!  

I have such a churning in my spirit these past few weeks and God has shown me some things...    I don't want to waste ONE second of this precious life of not being in his perfect will.... Life is TOO short!  

Remember today that God's Grace is sufficent!      I will leave you with Faith's precious prayer at dinner time last night:   "Jesus, fank (thank) you dis (this) food...   fank(thank) you Mama, Papa - Daddy, Bay bay, Bwookie (Brook), Nan (Nana), Everwfang (everything),    and fank (thank) you Jesus - you say no more Faif (Faith) and Gwace (Grace) in orpahange.   Amen"

Life my friends -  doesn't get any more real that that.... a baby thanking Jesus for saying, "No more Faith and Grace in orphanage!"        Thank you Jesus SO much for loving the Fatherless... help us every single day to be MORE LIKE YOU!!!!! 

PLEASE go read this and then PRAY!

My heart is bursting....
PLEASE join me in spreading the word.... we have to find this child's family!  

PLEASE click here and join me in praying for him...   

OVERWHELMING Thankfulness...

I just received a phone call from Faith and Grace's Pre-K teacher.   She was almost in tears.   She quickly tells me that she had to call and share!     They were doing a Thanksgiving project and she pulled the kids aside to ask them what they are MOST thankful for...    Faith (without any hesitation) responds, "My Mama for getting me from the orphanage!"   

As I'm sitting at my desk here at work... bawling my eyes out and thanking God for his AMAZING blessings on our family -  my phone beeps!   I receive a text from her and Grace's answer is just as emotional for me - - Grace answered, "My Mama - cause she holds me!" 

I can't even express the emotion when I hear things like this.  

There was a time when I was SO tired.  I was tired of fundraising.  I was tired of redoing paperwork.  I was tired of answering questions with NO new news to report.   I was tired of the looks and the whispers behind my back.  I was tired of people asking if it was EVER going to 'really' happen.  I was tired of questioning it all myself.    I was tired of waiting.    (If you've not followed our story... just check out the L O N G timeline on the right side!)

I am can't even encourage you enough that if you are also TIRED.... if you are tired of waiting... DON'T. GIVE. UP!!!  No matter what you are facing or 'waiting' on.  

There were SO. MANY. TIMES that I felt I was fundraising and standing alone...  I wondered where in the world my God was.    I was EXHAUSTED from the emotions... I was EXHAUSTED from the struggles.   

However....   When I receive a call like this one... I remember that my God was and is so so so FAITHFUL.  

I am so incredibly humbled and thankful today that I was chosen by my God 4 times....  I was chosen and entrusted to be 4 precious girl's Mama!!!    I am honored.... and to say that I'm thankful today... well, that's putting it mildly! 

A miracle.... It's been ONE year!

It was one year ago today that we met Faith and Grace in that cold orphanage in Pavlodar, Kazkahstan.
One Year ago today that our God performed an amazing miracle…

We met them and knew they were our daughters, but had to rely on God to show up in a HUGE way…. I could retype the story out, but I’ve already written it in last year’s posts: 1) Update - Can you PLEASE help us?, 2)God is SO awesome!  , and 3) This is the UPDATE of a lifetime!!!!   PLEASE go back and read those… Join us in praising our God for miracle after miracle after miracle!

I know that so many of you moved in lightening speech to spread the word on this very day one year ago…. And you bombarded facebook, email, and contacted anyone who you knew that might help… I have a HUGE favor… Will you PLEASE forward this email/post on to those same people again…PLEASE! Will you help me show and spread the word about how awesome it truly is when we obey Christ.

I wish there was some way I could get in contact with EVERYONE who played a part in the miracle… but, I have NO way to contact most of them…. I need your help! I want everyone to know how truly thankful we are! Thank you SO SO SO much! We pray that God blesses you one thousand times over for your giving and kind hearts!

The miracle that occurred on Nov. 4, 2010 is PROOF that God is alive and well and will move through us when we allow him to.

God is so so so awesome!

Faith and Grace have been home 7 ½ months and the transformation is staggering. Yes, there are most definitely days that are overwhelming and sometimes the stress level is HIGH… but, they have made such progress is it really unbelievable if you think back to one year ago tonight! Wow… God had his hand on them… and it’s absolutely a miracle in SO many ways that they are asleep in our home tonight!

God, it’s ALL for you and YOUR glory!

Be encouraged tonight… and remember that often God is working the most on your behalf when you feel him the least! Remember that your miracle could be about to happen…. DON’T give up on the BRINK of your miracle!

Thank you again for your continued love and support of our family! We are so so so blessed to have had such love and support!


Here we are on Nov. 5, 2010.  This was the day we said YES!  :)



Here we are TODAY!  

Here's our first picture of Faith and Grace.... then known as Stella and Violetta (S and V)!

AND... Here are our precious adorable babies TODAY!   These 2 angels are truly amazing... and as you can see in this picture... their personalities come shining through!   We are in AWE of our God and the miracles we see EVERY. SINGLE. DAY!



Our 4 girls all together in ONE big hug... all looking at the camera and smiling...  THAT is truly a miracle in itself, and that my dear friends makes this Mama's heart soar BIG!



On the brink....

(Before I really start this post I want to explain about the new 'look'... ummm... well, I realized that the background was not showing up at all.. meaning it was hard to see lots of things... so I found this generic template where at least EVERYTHING is showing up. THIS IS NOT how I want the blog to look... and SOON (hopefully) I will update it - Goodness it needs some serious updating... it's in the works - It really is!)



Now... on to the REAL reason I am writing...


Well... I have felt this compelling need to come here to the blog and write about this very thing for DAYS… so, here I am!


It's a post of encouragement to ANY of you who might be about to 'throw in the towel' so to speak. I know that lots of you are facing things in your lives that you wish would END already. Some of you have honestly been trusting God for a miracle for a LONG time... and are wondering if he even cares or realizes that you are hurting....

Well... let me take you back - 1 year ago TODAY!


I was stranded in Kazakhstan... I remember those last few days before we met Faith and Grace SO vividly... Lots of people told me I'd forget and it would all be a blur. Some of it is... but, honestly, my stomach is rolling right now as I think back and reflect on that very time.... those 2 1/2 weeks when we were in country 'waiting' to meet our 'son'.... :) Now - if you don't know our story, and what we went through in country, then I suggest you go back and read through the blog from about Oct. 23 - Nov. 2nd, 2010. That will give you a good idea (sort of) of what we were going through.


However, at that time we didn't know who might be hacking into the blog, reading what we were writing, thinking, saying...etc.. and so I was somewhat reserved.


To be completely honest, I wasn't completely honest


It was BRUTAL! We talked about giving up... we asked ourselves if we had missed God. We didn't understand why we were there and NOT meeting our child. We were running out of money. We were both off from our jobs with NO pay. We hadn't even started the process of bonding and court, etc... and it had been weeks. We were desperate for God to show up and show up big.

I just read back through a few of those posts from one year ago today.... and on the day that I went on a walk alone... it was a BAD day. I didn't understand what was happening. I threw a HUGE fit... I walked around those streets in that city (not a very safe thing to do... but, I didn't care) and cried out to God.... I sat in a park bench in the city park... 1/2 of a world away from our family and just about threw in the towel. It was tough... it was hard and it felt like God had forsaken us...

As I look back and think back to that time now... I am just so thankful that we held on. We clung to each other and our God and the promises he had given us. We quoted the scriptures and the promises that he has given us and you better believe it I reminded him of what he had told me.

Even in the midst of "knowing" he did have a plan it was SO tempting to give up and walk away. I had followed other families for years and they walked over and came home in one month - court completed - families intact.. WHY US?! WHY God... WHY??!!!

I am assuming that most everyone who is reading this knows about our miracle, and what God did on Nov. 4, 2010! Wow…. And to think that when we were SO low and about to give up… we were 48-72 hours away from a miraculous breakthrough… WOW!

I came here because I know that someone who will read this in the next few days is facing some sort of struggle in their life and they are considering just giving up.

Maybe you are facing a 'wait' for your adoption and you don't think you can stand to wait another day/hour/second….HOLD ON!

Maybe you are struggling in the area of finances and things look so hopeless that you are about to just give up.... HOLD ON!!!

Maybe you are in a marriage and you've been trusting God for a miracle for years and you are about to give up... HOLD ON!!!!

Maybe you are unemployed and need work and wonder if God sees your babies are hungry and need clothes... HOLD ON!

Maybe you are reading this and considering taking your own life... because things are just not right in your world... and you've begged God to show up... HOLD ON!

Maybe you are waiting on a healing in your body or that on a loved one... and they are getting sicker and sicker... HOLD ON!

The list could go on and on and on!

You see NO MATTER what you are facing.... PLEASE don't give up.... don't throw in the towel... You never know when YOUR MIRACLE might be 5 minutes from happening!

One year ago tonight.... I almost gave up. I was on the brink of the most miraculous thing I've ever seen or experienced in my life. IF we had given up.... we would have missed that!

Now, don’t think that we weren’t trusting God because we were… but, sometimes the stresses get overwhelming and everyone considers (or at least I think we all do) just giving up. That appears to be the easier way out… but, let me encourage you tonight that you don’t want to!

PLEASE don’t give up…. Keep trusting God because you could be ‘on the brink’ or YOUR miracle!!!!!

Be encouraged in the Lord tonight and know that …”His love for you is NEVER ending!”

DON’T GIVE UP… Your miracle is on the way!!!! :)
… and cling to his promises! He says it perfectly in John 11:40, “ Did I not tell you that if you believed – You would see the Glory of God?”


Believe and you will see his Glory! What an amazing God!

SPD - A post to my fellow AP's!

Well… I am back! :) I know that all my faithful blog readers have missed me as much as I’ve missed you… and honestly I have missed writing here. I have plans to kick this blog back up a notch, but never seem to find the energy to actually sit down and come here and write… but, tonight is your lucky night!


I was just putting dishes in the dishwasher and about to tackle the load of clothes that just came out of the dryer (that are now resting on the kitchen table)…. BUT, while I was doing those tasks my mind was thinking… and I decided that some of you might need to hear this tonight… SO, here I sit!

This post is dedicated to my fellow adoptive families and anyone who is interested… but, mainly to those who are and have and will be struggling with the same things we face daily in our little home!

It’s called Sensory Integration Disorder! Faith and Grace have not been officially diagnosed with SPD, but I could push for it and get that diagnosis. Grace really struggles the most with sensory stuff, but both have the classic institutional sensory struggles.

I am tempted to go into the struggles of how hard it is to really know if it’s truly sensory integration issues… or if it’s a result of environment (institutionalized life) prior to coming home, but you have to treat it as it is… and our girls struggle with sensory issues, regardless of the cause!

Ok…. So, we are in the process of some paperwork at the school (yes, the SCARY IEP)! My friend (the SLP at the elementary – I’m at the Intermediate grades) has done some speech/language testing . The PT has evaluated them… and my friend who is an OT is going to evaluate them tomorrow. I was talking with my friend who is the OT tonight on the phone… and she prompted this blog post.

She was a FAITHFUL supporter of our adoption and followed our journey and supported us in ways that make my heart smile. She’s an incredible resource to know and have in my corner.

Again, Thank you Jesus!

SO… tonight I was telling her of some of the things we see and struggle with. I was telling her how well Faith and Grace are doing in school… and how poorly they sometimes then do at the daycare and at home. She shared with me that in her experience she has seen this be true a lot of times. She said that kiddos who have sensory issues NEVER really get rid of those (which we all know). These kiddos just learn to adapt and adjust and self regulate to keep things at an even balance.

She then explained how that she feels with lots of kids they are attempting to keep things in ‘check’ so to speak all day in that structured environment (school). However, when they get home they tend to them be VERY impulsive and often parents will see a far more severe sensory deprived or overloaded child than the teachers or caregivers ever see.

I have NO idea if this is what is going on with Faith and Grace… but, I can tell you that it made me feel better! :)

This made me think about the similarities with some of the children I have on my caseload who stutter. I have had parents repeatedly tell me time and time again at IEP meetings that their child is severely dysfuent at home… and we’ll be telling them about how awesome they are doing with their speech in therapy as well as the classroom. I quickly explain to parents that I think often times kids who have to change the way they speak all day (attempt to be as fluent as possible) often relax when they finally get home. They KNOW that their parents are going to love them regardless of their stuttering or weaknesses and therefore stop attempting to monitor their speech.

I then encourage my parents to take that as a compliment that their kids feel well loved and secure!

I think this could be similar to our SPD kiddos. They are attempting all day to maintain their little bodies to an acceptable and appropriate level, and when they get home they just relax!

SO… if you are seeing your little one have GREAT days at school and a different child comes home… breathe a sigh of relief tonight and maybe… just maybe your baby feels secure and relaxed and therefore needs a break from the stresses of holding it all together!

YOU are doing a wonderful job… keep on parenting with love and kindness and remember that YOU were hand picked to be that child’s Mommy and Daddy!

I can’t even imagine walking this road of life without my Jesus… wow!

I hope and pray this was a bit of encouragement to someone… or someone else enjoyed this bit of information!

Oh… and one more thing… at this point 1 year ago – we were in our apartment in Kazakhstan waiting to meet available children… wondering if God had yet again forgotten about us… BUT, choosing to trust him, because he said to go!

TRUST HIM… He means what he says!

I have so many blog posts rolling in my head.. once I ever sit down to write you will have lots of stuff from me!

A dear friend today sent me an email and said to ‘sleep whenever you can… if you have to pick between sleep and something else – choose sleep’… I think that was really good advice for me! I am pretty exhausted… However, blessed beyond my wildest dreams!

Have a wonderful night!

1 Thes 5:24