3 years...

It has been 3 years since God spoke to my heart in a profound way while attending a conference in St. Louis, MO. 3 years! (it was on Sept. 21, 2007). It's hard to believe it's been that long... but, in one sense I can't remember POST adoption stuff...

It's incredible that we are still waiting on travel dates... it's almost unreal that it's ever really going to happen... however, I know that God has a plan... and he will see this through!

A great friend loaned me the book, He still moves stones, by Max Lucado. I have had this book for months, but just read it this past week... it's amazing! I recommend it! I picked it up at the EXACT time I was supposed to... If you do read the book... turn to Chapter 5 first... it's AMAZING!
He brings out things in the word that I've never thought of before... and man of man this chapter was EXACTLY what I needed.
I would love to type it all our here... but, I won't do the chapter justice... you should just read it! Amazing book! I led a bible study/devotion last night at church over this very chapter... and man o man... couldn't stop the tears from rolling.

Our new LOI starts today. September 30th. We did hear on Monday that they needed a new form ~ updated differently...
and also I'm having to REDO about 3/4 of our dossier AGAIN.... back in March I asked if there was ok if I used a notary that expired on 10-9-10.... they asked in country staff, etc... and it was passed down to us that they could 'foresee NO problems with using that notary'... they stated that 'we should be home safe and sound with our boy(s) by that point'.... Oct. 9th is 9 days away... they informed us on Tues. that all the forms that that notary notarized will have to be redone...
hummm.... it's only 32 forms... @ $10 each....

I went to capitol on Tues. morning and was there when they opened the door @ 8am... got the new POA's completed and overnighted...
Headed back right after work today with the additional 27 forms.
This is the 5th time redoing these forms...
Looking on the positive side... I know how to do these.... I have redone them so many times it's insane...
I know who in town is a notary... if they are bonded... and when their commission expires..
My girls are SICK of going to the capitol.... (They do still play Sect. of State Office though!)... and the various people in town we need forms from have gotten smarter and smarter.. they now have the exact thing I needed saved on their computers..... it's honestly fairly simple to get all the updates now... however, it's answering ALL the ?'s about why we haven't gone yet that takes all the time.
I have my good and bad days... and sometimes while I'm trying to explain what all has happened to cause these delays I feel like screaming.... but, I also am HONORED. Honored that we have agreed to be obedient to our Savior... even when it's not been easy...
I know that there are so many people who had NO idea of the horrible statistics regarding orphans... and children worldwide.. until now.. I know that our story has touched people..
We've prayed all along that God would USE us... USE our story... OUR family.... in anyway possible for HIS glory!
Everything we do is for him... and to see his glory revealed in real and amazing ways!

So... on the day that our new LOI begins.... and starting year 3 of this AMAZING journey... I want to thank you... Thanks for the love and support... and to my precious little boy Gobble... PLEASE know Baby boy.. that we are coming to get you soon... rest in his hand... baby... we'll be there soon! All my love FOREVER~ Mama :)

New LOI

so... at about 3:45... after hearing at about 3:30 that the agency had no new info... we got an e-mail saying to please call them... and that our LOI had been issued.
so... we feel like we are back where we were during the summer.... now we have a new LOI... and we're back to square 223.. waiting on travel dates....

well... the NEW LOI begins on Sept. 30th.... so, I guess I'll head out to buy some milk and groceries.... at least now we do know that we WON'T be traveling until after Sept. 30... yippee skippy.... more waiting... at least I can buy milk without wondering if it will expire.. :) There's a positive thought for ya.....

What do I even say?

In just a few days it will have been 3 years since God spoke to us to embark on this journey.... 3 years.
In that 3 years... I've made LOTS of adoption friends. All have either switched from Kazakhstan - and are now home with a baby, or adopted from Kaz. (most years ago).. and are home with their children.. I have lots of friends who have joined this journey and very quickly raced past us to the ultimate prize of that child(ren) who they've waited and longed for... I promise you that I am not jealous. I have thought long and hard about this.... I am NOT jealous! I am truly happy for them... humbled and thrilled that they have made it to their child(ren).... some of my original friends have even adopted sucussfully a 2nd time... and some are pursing a 3rd adoption now.... With every one of these adoptions I have stood back in awe and quiet thanks to our savior for yet again seeing another precious child find a forever family. I have prayed for these families... (I really have.).... I have struggled with these families when they have had delays.. or been discouraged.. or had to fight for their children...
Today as I sit here... I quietly wonder when God.. when will it be our turn... and when will our child (WHOM I KNOW GOD HAS FOR US)... come home forever... It's hard not to ? every thing about us, this process, the agency... obviously something has to be wrong... with us, the agency.... something somewhere is not as it should be...
We were told on Aug. 11th that they would have our LOI in 3-4 weeks... and the latest date that we could possible travel would be the week of Sept. 6th... It's the 16th folks... and still NO news....

I am wandering around through life in a daze... we are trying SO very hard to enjoy the time with the girls... make memories... Live life today... be happy in the 'waiting', continue to praise our Savior... continue to live our lives as we know God would desire us to do...
If this is a test.. then I feel I'm failing.. A couple close friends have said this is NOT a test.. .and I shouldn't look at it this way... well, then how should I look at this?
God is obviously trying to grow us... and I'm not getting it... I so sincerly "want" to get it... I really do..

I want to be EXACTLY what God designed me/us to be...

I am bombarding myself with scriptures and prayers... and attempting with everything within myself to keep smiling, keep praising, and keep on pressing on...

I have even fielded the questions of, "Are you sure your agency is NOT scamming you? I saw a special on TV the other night... and your agency keeps seeming to give you info. that doesn't happen, are you sure they are on the up and up?" I have answered those ?'s with the smile and a great 'Godly' response...

I know that our agency is not "scamming" us... God has a plan... and we don't want to get there one second before his EXACT time.

...and that my dear friends is what's in my heart...
I keep rereading my note from a few weeks ago...
It says,

Dear Lanetta,
I have started a good work in you. When you feel overwhelmed and at the end of your rope, look up and remember your help comes from me! Please don't lose heart in doing good for in my perfect timing I promise you will see a reward if you do not give up. Be confident that I will faithfully complete the things I have birthed in you.
Love you so very much,
God