Thursday, August 27, 2009

Ramblings... BEWARE!!!

ok.. I just want to start out by saying that this is MY blog... my place to share my thoughts, my feelings, my heart... so, I need to vent about this.. and decided this was the place...

Let me give you an update on our little Brooklyn so you'll have more of a clue about why I'm so worked up...

She has been VERY sick the past few weeks.. Started with random joint swelling (and bruising), pain, and low grade fever.. ended with NUMEROUS ER visits, Dr's visits and a trip to OU Children's Hospital..(within that time frame lots of things were thrown at us like leukemia, lupus, juv. rheum. arthritis.. etc.. ) and even suspected a brain tumor at one point due to a HUGE swelling on her head...

Talk about a SCARY and LONG 3 weeks. We ended up with a diagnosis of Rheumatic Fever. They are saying the Rheum. Fever was caused by an untreated strep infection. (She came in contact with strep and her little body never showed any signs or symptoms of it.) Her body then began fighting the infection and began to work against itself. She does not and did not have strep now or when they did the testing, but the Rheum. Fever was the side effects of having had the infection. Due to her YOUNG age and SEVERITY of symptoms (she couldn't even walk part of the time), they are saying that she has a heightened chance of heart conditions later in life and the next infection/virus could/will go straight to her little heart.

They are treating her with LONG term antibiotics and we have an appointment with a pedia. cardiologist in a few weeks. (to follow her heart very closely).. We had a tonsiladnoidectomy last Fri. as a preventive measure to try to keep the infection down.... while all this is going on.. Phil and Bay both get sick, therefore have to stay away from Brook for 48+ hours. I had to take Brook after surgery and stay at my mom's... whew... wow.. what a 3 week stretch... oh.. and school started back and I went back to work... :-)

Ok... so as you can imagine the stress level has been high..
I have been asked numerous ?'s about Brook and about our family lately...
One question that I've been asked more than once that really upsets me is this:
Is the adoption still on? Are you still going through with the adoption?

Now, if you are reading this blog post and you've wondered that same thing... I'm sorry... but, I'm just going to be blunt here! This is the only way I know how to explain how significant this ? is to me...

Asking me that question would be like asking me (if I was 8 months pregnant), if I was going to terminate the pregnancy since Brook is sick. That is what that question feels like to me... I about fell over the first time I was asked... but, as I was asked it several times, I realized that there are so many people that obviously DO NOT GET THIS OR ME!!! That is ok.. but, I had to share my thoughts about this...

Not going through with this adoption would be like suffering the death of one or my children.... I love my future baby(ies) like I do my girls.. Those of you that have been pregnant can relate... you feel the baby move, you know it's there.. you already LOVE it long before holding it for the first time... That is what has happened to Phil and I both... I can hardly talk about my boy(s) without tearing up... My heart is so consumed with love for them, I can hardly stand it... I know that this is hard for some of you to "get"... and if you don't that's ok..

God spoke to my heart on Sept. 24, 2007... and he didn't ask me to do it... I asked him... God WHAT CAN I DO... HOW CAN I MAKE A DIFFERENCE? It was then that I knew.. Phil and I were supposed to adopt... I think the seed of love and adoption for my future babies was birthed that day and has grown into something that is SO hard for me to put into words...
I am crying as I write this post...
yes, Brook could have long term heart problems... do you think God didn't know that when he spoke to me?

There are one or two children in Kazakhstan that God made specifically for Phil and I to love and raise... When those boy(s) were being formed in their Mother's Womb... God had a plan for their little lives.. and he knew at that MOMENT in time that they were my children....

So.. yes, the adoption is still on.. We will fight, wait, cry, and we will pray, praise and wait longer until God sees fit that we complete our family..

who knows.. we might even do this again after Kazakhstan...
You know there are 143 million babies without a family or ANYONE to care for them TONIGHT... right now as you go and snuggle into your warm bed... there are children dying of starvation and neglect.. Children alone...

Lord please use us for your Glory!

19 comments:

Kim said...

Amen sister to that last part about needy orphans. I never doubted your adoption plans for a minute. I know you've been called to do it!
I hope little Brooklyn is feeling better each day now. Trusting the Lord for healing and protection for her heart.
I don't know why the worries of this life all seem to come at once sometimes but trust you are leaning and relying on the only one who can hold you up through it all when you are weak. I bet you can attest to His peace during your storm too. Your faith is encouraging to me and I will continue to lift your family in my prayers. He is getting the glory through all of this because of your never give up attitude and total reliance on His timing in all situations. Thanks for shining His light to all!

Joby and Marla said...

I am so sorry about Brooklyn's illness. You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers.
There is no doubt that your boy or boys will be available at the right time.
Hang in there!!!!

Brad and Stacy said...

Amen Lanetta, that is all I have to say!

Becki Stone said...

Lanetta, I keep saying that I am shocked at things people say and ask when it comes to adoption, and this one rates pretty high on the "why would you ask that" scale!! I believe you had your delays at the embassy so you could be here with Brook during her time of need. There is a plan greater than we'll ever understand.
Maddye was born with 2 holes in her heart. Her VSD is closed, and she still has a small ASD. She has to have antibiotics for dental cleaning, and for any procedures but all in all this has never effected her. We face what is given to us with our heads held high. Keep us posted about what the Ped Cardiologist says. (Maddye has a great Ped. Cardiologist- if you want to come to Cleveland to see him!!!)
Hugs- and hang in there :)

Jennifer M said...

Hey Lanetta, I am so sorry to hear about Brooklyn. I knew she was sick, and I could tell it wasn't a "normal" sick as it was not going away and getting better, but I didn't realize just how very sick she has been. Thank you God she has been diagnosed, and is feeling better. I pray she has a strong heart that fights off future infections. And wow to you! The past three weeks must have took amazing strength on your part to hold everything together. I can't even imagine!

I get why you are upset. I would be too! Before you even said the words, my first thought was, "So you're telling me that if I were pregnant, you would wonder if I would terminate the pregnancy just because my other child has new needs?!?!? What!?!?" I then had to smile as you wrote the exact thing I was thinking.

Please give my love to Brooklyn, and know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Jill (& Bob) said...

Lanetta,
As soon as I read that people asked that...my immediate thought was "why would they?". Yes, Brook needs her parents...but so do your boys and so does Bailey! I guess as an adoptive parent, it's a no brainer - of course you're still going to bring your boy(s) home! (and yes, I know we walked away from Kaz - mostly because we couldn't fathom having 3 children in 2 years - but that doesn't mean we don't still want to adopt internationally). Anyway, we're praying for all of you and all of those children in orphanages without a momma or papa.

McMary said...

I am praying for you, Brooke, and your boys.
YOu are under a lot of stress but all your children need you and God will be there every step of the way.
Thanks for being "blunt" I hope everyone gets it.

keoghclan said...

I am so glad to hear your daughter Brooklyn is feeling better - how stressful for you, not to know what was going on.

I shook my head at the question you are being asked silly DHAC (dont have a clue) people.....I liken it to the question I was once asked........we have 3 kids, 1 bio, 1 still birth and 1 adopted child....so one day someone was asking me about Orin - our adopted son, and they asked how he was doing and then they said and how is 'YOUR REAL' child (as in my bio daughter Ashling) MY REAL CHILD??? what the heck...... I was so mad I could spit......

As I said DHAC - they have obviously not learned if you have nothing nice to say then say nothing!!

Good luck on your journey to your son(s)

Corinne said...

Our continued prayers for all of you ! ! Keep the faith and know your boys will come at the perfect time ! ! When we have been called he delivers !

Lori said...

Honestly, I cannot fathom how people can be just...well, ignorant. I don't mean that to be rude, but it's ignorance that allows questions like that. Ignorance of your love and dedication to the child or children you have already pledged with God to car for. Ignorance of your daughters' love for their 'bubbas'. Ignorance of your heart's desire. Some people just don't get it.

Thank God that your little one has been diagnosed and treated and now you can be vigilant about her care. We'll continue the prayers!

Jessica and Chris said...

Lanetta,
I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that people say things like that. I'm sorry that Brooklyn is going through all this. And I'm sorry that it is all so stressful. You know what I was thinking??? I was thinking that I knew EXACTLY why your adoption has taken this long -because God knew you needed to be here right now for Brook. What if you had been in Kaz right now while she was sick? It is all in His timing and it will be PERFECT. Love you all lots and praying everyday for Brook!!!
Jessica

Susan said...

I am so sorry to hear about Brooklyn...oh my goodness how scary!!! I'm behind on blog reading but im glad i got to read this today.

My prayers are with you and your family..and the lil boy who is waiting. :)

Kelly and Sne said...

Wow - I am so sorry that you have been living this nightmare. I guess I didn't realize truly how serious the situation had become. Wishing you all the best - get better soon and stay better!

And, I can relate to really stupid things that people come up with - especially late in the process. When we were waiting for an LOI, one of Sne's relatives said "you know 90% of Kaz kids have FAS". It was like warning someone on their way to the hospital about to deliver that they were going to have a baby with birth defects. Is this really something you say to someone who has already made the decision, is very committed and is about to meet their new baby???? I was livid for a long time.

In any case, the ignorant comments did not stop after we adopted, so my advice is to think of some witty comebacks now (I can never remember them when I'm put in the situation)!

Hoping Brooke gets well soon and the stress level drops significantly as you get closer to your happy moment of expanding your family.

MOmilkman said...

Lanetta-Phillip,
Our thoughts and prayers are so with you in this time of need. Adoption is such a trying time and to have this happen in the middle of it is definatly not something someone should have to go though but you guys have the strength you need to get you though.
Darin House

4texans said...

I pray Brooklyn recovers quickly.

Kari J said...

AMEN! to all that you said! I con't to keep you and all your babies in my prayers. Your faith and all the prayers out there will get you through this. There was no doubt in my mind that you wouldn't con't to wait on Gods perfect timing to bring you your boy(s).
Blessings and prayers to you all,
Kari

Elena's Mom said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and want to congratulate you on your adoption news, but also want to say I am so sorry for the heartache you've just experienced with your daughter.
My daughter was born in Kaz and brought home when she was a little under one year old. She is my life, my heart and soul. My greatest fear is that something will happen to her. I understand how you must have been feeling and am so happy for you that all is well.
Maria

Tamara's Mommy said...

OK.. you almost made me cry.
First I'd like to wish your daughter a full speedy recovery. Your family has certainly had more then it's share of illness this month. Hope you're all better ASAP.
Now... What you wrote about your bond with your adoptive child / children. You explained what it's like very accurately. Thank You. We adopted from Georgia last year just before the Russian invasion. And we were constantly asked "IF" we were still going? "IF" we were sure it was worth it? Amazing I know. My response was "IF I found out my daughter was in Iraq I'd strap on a bullet proof vest and go get her." Isn't that what Mothers are supposed to do? Protect and love their children no matter what? I think so and I'm sure adoptive mothers agree. You hang on to your dream. Your promise. Your faith. Follow your heart. That little voice that makes us do things that leave others scratching their heads in amazement.
I can't imagine loving a child more then I love my adoptive daughter so I can fully understand your love for your son(s). Go get your babies. They're counting the days for their Mommy to come and bring them home.
God's Speed
Lee

Stephanie and Gary said...

I am reading this post now after I have already read more recent posts and know that Brooklyn is doing well and there are systems in place to keep her healthy - Thank God! I wanted to comment about the adoption part of the post - Amen sister is right!! Your passion, your mothering, your nurturing and your dedication to getting your children home is as real and physical as the little girls already in your life. THis was passionate, powerful and inspiring!!! Shout it from the rooftops -- this is your family!
Steph

And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name, welcomes me!” Matt 18:5

Visit our website...

Click here to visit our website to read about how our journey to international adoption began... and how God spoke to our hearts to open our lives and family to a child who otherwise might not ever know him.
God bless!

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