ok... I'm just going to warn you now.. that I am an emotional wreck this afternoon. It's 2pm in the afternoon here. We went to the orphanage this morning @ 9:15 - 10:45... so we are back for the day in the apartment. I can't seem to stop the tears... I really don't know why exactly. I have a deep peace and KNOW that all things will be and are fine... but, for some reason my emotions are overloaded and so sad this afternoon. I miss Bay and Brook and my family SO much... but, I would NEVER choose to leave these 2 babies here. I know that my girls are ok, and they are getting LOTS of love and attention from Nana as well as lots of you! :) Thanks so much for loving on them during all this... (great.. tears rolling again.. :( ) Just a warning... I'm going to be REALLY honest during this post... I have to get it all out somewhere... and I think writing about my feelings/thoughts will be good therapy... sorry to all you readers.. ;) ha ha!
We arrived at the girls group/door and they were eating breakfast (the caregiver said). They were down a hallway and inside a door (we couldn't see if the girls had food or not). They said they would bring them to the music room to us when they finished. They brought them to us in about 10-15 minutes. Grace came busting in with BIG grins... Faith was grinning, but walking slowly... and I could immediately tell something was wrong with Faith. The caregiver was very kind... spoke with Symbat and next thing I know Grace and Faith (who is in my arms) starting singing very plainly a song (in Russian of course!). They sang LOUDLY and very boldly and confidently. The caregivers had told us that they LOVE to sing... and this one wanted us to see for ourselves. It was PRECIOUS. I motion for Phil to grab the camera and video... and about that time they realize what Papa is doing and stop.. Neither sing another word.. LOL!
The caregiver left.. and Day 7 bonding began! :)
I have started getting out the package of wipes and washing their little hands and face with wipes when they arrive. THEY LOVE IT! I wondered at first if they would like it or not.. but, they come running and sit in front of me... waiting on their turn.. so precious and heartbreaking at the same time. Papa tells them to not fear.. that they will get more "rubbing and scrubbing" than they want when we get home, and that Mama LOVES bathes!!! LOL!! I can't wait to get them in a tub of water... ;) I can't wait to put lotion on them and pamper them...
Here is a picture of our daily 'wipe-down'...
Ok.. so being the Mother of 2 girls already... I normally have about anything you could/would need to fix girls up pretty! You never know when a elastic is going to break... or a bow fall out, etc... However, I never dreamed I'd be needing to fix one girls hair in Kaz... much less 2... so I have nothing that I would have brought if I'd have known!!! (yeah... I'm laughing Lord! hee hee!)... Anyway, I found several elastic bands in the bottom of my make-up bag.. and I brought them, my brush, and a mirror I bought here with me today. The girls were THRILLED to sit and let me play with their hair. It was a FUN time. I first put one piggy in each girls hair... however, they wanted me to do it again... and signed "more"... so I took that one out and attempted to give them 2 piggys... SO CUTE! Here are some pictures of playing with their hair!
Here's a pic that Symbat snapped of Grace.. waiting for her piggys! ;) Isn't she cute?
and.. here's Faith with piggys.... SO CUTE! Grace's hair is thicker and cut differently.. so I could hardly get it to work in hers but, we tried! They loved looking at themselves in the mirror, and we ever nicely shared the mirror. (There is only one!)
Do you notice how awful Faith looks? I noticed immediately (as mentioned above) that she wasn't just right... and as soon as she was in my arms... I realized she was BURNING up. She was running a fever. I tried to get her to allow me to love on her, but as you would suspect... she was grumpy and not used to extra attention when feeling sick.. (yes... breaks my heart..) I just held her and whispered to her how much I loved her.. and prayed a silent prayer for the Lord to hold her safe... and I fought back tears.While still working on the 'hair'.. the picture below happened... yes, that's the DR! Symbat had the camera and snapped a picture as she stormed in... it was purely by accident.. however, it's ok that we have a picture to show you... :(
She had just entered the room and STORMED in and began yet again gripping and yelling at Symbat and us.. the girls even got quiet. Symbat them translated that she was very upset because we had fed the girls (even when told not to).. and as a result of us breaking the rules... Violetta (Faith) is sick... and she even said they had to take her to the hospital last night... that she was so sick and had an awful stomach ache... all from the 'biscuits' we fed them. Symbat repeatedly told her we had NOT broken any rules and we had not fed them one bite of anything! She called us liars... and said that the girls said we had.. and now Violetta (Faith) was SICK!What is completely amazing is the part of yesterday that I left out... both girls stomachs were growling like you've never heard or felt during our visit yesterday... it was so so so sad.. literally made me cry tears. I wanted to feed them some little something SO badly it broke my heart... and we didn't... but, are accused of it. INSANE!
I know that LOTS of you who have also adopted from Kazak.. said that you dealt with the same kinds of attitudes, etc.. thank you SO much for sharing.... It's made us feel so much better.. knowing we're not alone, and this is somewhat typically treatment. URG... still makes me mad and so sad that I can't stop the tears. I have such a burden for those babies.. and the other 10 in F and G's group.. my heart is breaking..
The DR. then left... and the entire rest of our visit was strained and stressful... I know it's because the 3 adults were stressed and upset.. and that is so sad.. but, there was nothing we could do... Symbat was trying to be upbeat and positive and telling us that Svetlana would take care of this, etc.. but, it's so hard not to be so affected by it....
The girls felt our stress.. and it was so obvious.. plus Faith felt bad... it was so obvious.
Here is a pic that Symbat took of Phil after the Dr had left... I'd say this expression describes his feelings.... Makes you want to FIGHT for your kids... I can't even explain how helpless we feel... and it's so MADDENING!!!
That Dr. better watch out... NOBODY messes with Papa's girls... :)Below: The girls are combing my hair with their little combs we brought them. They were so thrilled to get to 'comb' my hair. Papa was laughing at me.. cause I kept saying.. "GENTLE... SOFT" as my hair was coming out by the roots... soooo....
I quickly thought... humm.. POOR PAPA.. he needs some lovin' too! The girls were all grins and RUSHED to "fix Papa" too!! Notice his face... hee hee hee!!
Below is just a sweet picture of Faith.. she felt so badly.. PLEASE pray for her... and for Grace. I can't hardly stand knowing they are there and sick... :( They don't know any better.. they've grown up there and that's all they know... that's the only thing keeping me from breaking them out of there right now....
About every 10 minutes of so... Grace just throws herself into Phil or I right in the middle of playing... It's like she can't seem to get enough love from us... :( and we can't seem to get enough either.
This is yet another attempt at a family picture... as you can see it didn't work out with everyone smiling at the camera. Faith was fussy.. (however, neither have EVER cried)... and Grace was just being Grace! :)
The girls didn't seem to care to much to go back to their group today. We told them it was time to swim, and they picked up and got ready to go. They LOVE swimming. We are SO happy about this. We love swimming too and their sisters are 1/2 fish! Next summer will be SO much fun!!!
As we're leaving the group we start asking Symbat if we can visit with the director (she's SO kind.) I forgot to mention that we took all the boys clothes we brought with us as well as 15 pair of tights and panties that we bought for the group. We dropped these off with the director when arriving today... she was SO kind and appreciative. She asked us how things were going.. how the girls where, etc?! She even asked how Bailey and Brooklyn were. (so thoughtful and kind)....
The director was available and Symbat explained to her about the DR and that we had ?'s about Violetta (Faith) being taken to the Children's Hospital last night. (The Dr. told us this.) The director said that this was NOT true. She was not taken to any hospital. She then said that Stella (Grace) told a caregiver that her Mama and Papa gave her biscuits last night. We told her this was not true.. and it must just be kids being kids. She said she believed us. She was smiling and told Symbat to tell us not to worry or stress.. all would be ok. She told Symbat that she would tell the Dr. not to speak to us again and to come to her if she has a problem. What a mess! I wonder if Grace really told anyone that?! I can see her saying it.. like YEAH.. my new Mama and Papa will feed me.. (if they are withholding food from them)... or I can see her saying, "Dah" (yes) if repeatedly asked. Who knows why.. but, they claim she said we did... LOL! Great one Grace!!! :)
Anyway.... the entire thing wears on our nervous and emotions like you wouldn't believe. Phil's back is still really hurting him. He's trying so hard to not act like it is, but it's so obvious that it is. My heart is breaking.. I wish with everything within me that I could bring all those kids home... or somehow, someway... provide more for them here... PLEASE join me in praying for this... Faith needed some simple Tylenol today.. and I wonder if they even have any to give her... :( poor babies.
Many of you have responded to seeing the pictures of the other kids... just keep in mind that the group the girls are in is ONE of several groups of kids here... There are LOTS more kids that we see coming and going...
I have some ideas about ways (all of us) can make a difference... I will pray.. and post more later... but, please join me in praying for these precious babies.
I have such a DEEP sad burden today... I can't help but think about all the other orphanages here in Kazakhstan alone... much less the other countries around the world... there are 147,000 kids just like Grace and Faith... that don't get extra love when sick... that honestly have NO idea how to give a hug... and have most definitely NEVER been kissed...
DEAR JESUS... please help us to be more like you... I knew that after being here in Kazakhstan that I would NEVER ever be the same... but, I think I didn't realize the grip that all this would really have on my heart.
It's amazingly real to me that we all live so foolishly... we think we need the finest of things... we treat ourselves DAILY.. just because we deserve it.. and their are 147,000 Grace and Faith's in the world.. who are SO desperately lonely!
Dear Jesus... please help us to NEVER turn our back to your hurting people and children again... help us dear Lord to be more like you...
And.. Thank you Sweet Jesus for the bunk beds for our baby girls! There was a comment on yesterdays post that says, "You bunk beds have been purchased!" Love, Jesus!!
The tears keep coming... and we are SO SO SO thankful for the Lord's amazing provisions during this miraculous journey!!
We serve a God who is gives ABUNDANTLY and EXCEEDINGLY more than you can EVER hope or imagine... be obedient to him... and you will NEVER regret it!
And.. Thank you Sweet Jesus for the bunk beds for our baby girls! There was a comment on yesterdays post that says, "You bunk beds have been purchased!" Love, Jesus!!
The tears keep coming... and we are SO SO SO thankful for the Lord's amazing provisions during this miraculous journey!!
We serve a God who is gives ABUNDANTLY and EXCEEDINGLY more than you can EVER hope or imagine... be obedient to him... and you will NEVER regret it!
22 comments:
I'm sorry you have had such stresses at a time when you really don't need it and should only be happily playing with your girls....just keep smiling.... as they say it is contagious!!!
Your are truly blessed in so many ways and your hearts are overflowing with love not only for your girls but all the children who need us.....we must believe like you have seen all of those prayers will be answered as well!!
Darlene
Lanetta,
We're still praying! My girls want to help the kids in the pictures so bad, so once you post your ideas, we're in :) What they really want is to have you bring one home to us! We're praying about that . . . it would take a miracle, but we just witnessed one,right?
Praying. . . .
Becky
Hey,
We understand verry much that you want to take al the kids home we had the same feeling last year.
Bagdad the principal is such a fine person, and see have all the best for adoptive parents even in court she will devend you and that feels verry good.
We will pray for the both of you and we pray healing over Phill his back we have an asome God.
We are also praying for Grace and Faith!!
God bless you.
Lots off love!!
Joost Caroline an little Zarima
oh sweet Lanetta, this part is so very hard! It's impossible NOT to be affected by the kids and the lack of love and family that they experience everyday. I am so sorry that dr is so nasty....let's just say say that she doesnt understand you or Phil or how much love and faith you have for everyone, including HER (though its tough to find right now, but let's just pretend) She is just an unhappy lady...seeing the heartbreak and hurt in those kids day after day has just really hardened her heart.
Seeing how starved the girls are for attn and how they just eat up being wiped with wipes and having their hair down is very real stuff...their life is going to change in such dramatic ways.
It's wonderful to witness your wonderful friends coming together for you and your family-the extra adoptoin funds, the bunk beds, it's clear that you are very very loved, just like those girls.
xoxoxo
you are a blessing and i am so proud to have "met you" during this journey. Hang in there!!!
We love you guys....I know it's an emotional roller coaster Lanetta....it's so hard there because you do feel so helpless...there is no recourse for a problem or issue....we will continue to pray for this doctors hard heart(bet she wasn't hugged as a kid =( )
I'm so glad the director is a kind woman ...very thankful she has a heart =)
Just remember the girls know this as home and they're ok...I know you're chomping at the bit to get them to yourselves!! One day at a time girl....
we will pray for both Grace and Faith and their health and that there little bodies will stay strong and be healthy!!!
I'll tell you what A and Z never get sick...must have been all those germs from the baby house and orphanage...they have constitutions of steel!!!!
We'll also be praying for Phil's back!! poor guy!!! bad back and toddler active babies...really poor guy!!
Thanks for sharing Lanetta....one day at a time...your bonding is half way done!!!! you're definitely on the downhill of the journey....
GIRL, If we didn't know you were going to already be bombarded at the airport in OKC we would be traveling over to be apart of that GLORIOUS DAY and see those PRECIOUS baby girls!!!!!!!!
LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!! LIFTING YOU UP!!!!!!!!!
Lanetta, I am keeping all of you in prayer daily. As a P.T., I wish I could just come over there and help Phil with his back, instead I will pray for healing for him.
As I mentioned before, I think all of us who have traveled there have had issues with someone at the orphanage. So, know you are not alone in trying to make every visit a good one despite controlling type people.
You are right about never being the same after being there and seeing the deprivation those kids have dealt with in their young lives. There is still one little boy in particular I think about that I met in 2009 when we were there and I remember telling Dave everyday we were there that I would take everyone of them if I could. So now I just pray for all of them and hope maybe we can return someday.
Lanetta, I am keeping all of you in prayer daily. As a P.T., I wish I could just come over there and help Phil with his back, instead I will pray for healing for him.
As I mentioned before, I think all of us who have traveled there have had issues with someone at the orphanage. So, know you are not alone in trying to make every visit a good one despite controlling type people.
You are right about never being the same after being there and seeing the deprivation those kids have dealt with in their young lives. There is still one little boy in particular I think about that I met in 2009 when we were there and I remember telling Dave everyday we were there that I would take everyone of them if I could. So now I just pray for all of them and hope maybe we can return someday.
What an emotional day! I'm so sorry the DR has caused so much stress. There was a caregiver in Gunnar's group that was overprotective of him & went over the DR's head & made us stay inside one time & was just plain bossy with me in my care of him. She was his Godmother but i feel there is also more to it that she behaved that way. I hope & will pray her attitude changes towards you & she will see the love you have for the girls & stop being so nasty. Hopefully a talking to from the Director will also help her to stop. The girls are so adorable!
((hugs))
Lanetta & Phil,
It is wonderful that the director is on your side. That is the person you will need. The doctor is just trying to feel powerful- which we saw alot. Sadly that doctor doesn't see that the girls need and deserve a family. Keep your focus on bringing the girls home. If you need anything let me know.
Just know that while we were bonding we were treated like we were poison at times too. In the end it doesn't matter what anyone else but the Director thinks because the director is the one that is needed in court!
Hugs, and have faith. I can't wait till all this suffering is all over- when you finally have those two home!
Oh, Lanetta, my heart is just breaking for you guys right now. Know that you have so many people praying and you are touching so many of us through your story! Love you guys, always praying!
Terri
My heart aches for all of you right now. I cannot help but remember how we "smuggled" water into the play room so Aila wouldn't be so desperately thirsty. It was all too much to stand. I'm so pissed you had to endure the accusations of "feeding" your children! INSANE is right and unfortunately common. Disgusting that you have to endure even more stress - and hello? Where are peoples' heads. Hope the illnesses subside soon and God is Great and you will be home with those girls and this will (God Willing) be a distant memory as you all flourish as a family together. And yes, too many kids need homes and need OUT of those awful places. Thank you for waht you are doing.
Jennifer Robinson
Oh my gosh I was so emotional reading your post today. My heart is aching for you guys. We can say first hand that we know that Dr. is NASTY! I remember feeling that same way when Ava was sick. It feels so wrong to leave your sick baby in someone elses care...especially when you aren't confident that they ARE taking care of them. You are in our prayers! They will be with you so soon.
~Kari Letterneau
So sorry you have to deal with that kindof stress right now. We love you guys and praying for you. The girls are so beautiful!! It breaks my heart to see all those kids with out a family. We will be praying for Phil's back hope he gets to feeling better. Can't wait to meet the girls!!
Love ya
April and Jason
Lanetta and Phil,
I am so very very sorry that the doctor is being so mean. It is the devil that is stirring inside her. I will continue to pray that she can see love and kindness. I am so sad for all those children. And I am crying once again at school! (you always make the prego girl cry!) hahaha!
We love you guys and KNOW that it will all work out. We became so frustrated while being there. Part of what you are experiencing are the incredible difficulties of living in basically a 3rd world country. There were so many many days that we were so upset and frustrated. Nothing they do ever seems to make sense in our minds. We also feel forever changed having lived there for so many weeks. You can't help but to feel that way.
Hang in there Hokies!
Jessica
Oh Lanetta, I'm so sorry your baby girl is sick and there is nothing you can do but pray. That is so tough.
I'm glad to hear you were able to speak to the director. I hope she'll be able to pull that doctor in a bit so that you don't have to interact with her anymore.
Children who don't have loving families are one of the hardest burdens to carry. In Ethiopia there was a child who just drank out of a puddle a man urinated in (on the side of the road) because that's the only liquid the boy could find. My friend's 5 yo daughter has horrible scar marks on the inside of her thighs because her bio mother prostituted her starting at age 2 (she was adopted at age 5). It's bad enough hearing about these realities, but when you see them first hand, when you touch and love the children who have had to live like this just to survive, it's heartbreaking and so much more.
My heart just breaks for you Lanetta. We had the same kind of issues with the Dr at our orphanage. It's just a power trip unfortunately. We asked if there was any medication we could buy for Alea and they gave us a list to go get. She was sick twice and we did it each time. I think it helped some and I believe that we also got vitamins for all of the kids too. We didn't know it at the time, but soon after we arrived with the stuff all of the kids were lined up in one of the rooms and they were giving each child a some of the vitamins we were told. It was the same thing that we had just brought in. We didn't realize we had purchased enough for the BH, but were happy when we found out. You might want to try asking, and then at least you know your babies would be getting something. The pharmacy's there are cheap and we didn't spend over $12 US dollars each time.
I bawled each time my baby was sick because I could do absolutely nothing. At one point they put her in quarantine, because she had RSV. I completely understand how hard this is for you. I'm so sorry that you can do nothing about it. It's the vulnerability of the kids and our hands being completely tied behind our back that is so infuriating! I'm so sorry friend. Hang in there! You'll have them home soon!!
It's so hard - I think that we have all had experiences like this in Kaz and it certainly adds stress to an already emotionally overwhelming time. We're praying for you guys, and praying for the gentle assurance that even amid the unfairness and craziness, your hearts will be secure in Him and in your family-to-be. Halfway there - you're halfway to court!
Blah! The people at the babyhouse were definitely over the top in how they deal with parents. It's annoying to say the least. Also, it's so sad that the girls don't cry. I remember Angelica got hit in the head with one of those heavy swings outside, knocked on the ground on her face in the sand and came up with her mouth full of dirt, and she never cried. I cried for her, but she didn't know how. Don't worry--she does now! She's maybe a tiny bit a drama queen now, but it's hard to be to upset about that when I remember where she came from! It's all temporary--you'll have them home and it will all be just a bittersweet memory soon. :) Praying for you guys!
I'm sorry your baby is sick. Lindsay was sick and was given shots at the babyhouse while we were visiting. She was getting over a respiratory illness. Praying she feels better soon. I'm sad too that you can't bring them snacks or any food. We were allowed to feed Lindsay in the visitation room. Maybe you will be allowed to give them snacks and feed them their meals before it's all over with. I agree with Susan about the Dr. She just has that temperment that is so common over there. Try not to take it personally.
While we were in court and the stern BH director was there, I was shocked as our translator would tell us that she was defending us to the judge and very complimentary of us. I really wondered if she was the same person! Then when we got the final verdict she was all smiles! So glad you have a kind director. The doctors weren't even at court with us so don't worry about that!
I am still amazed at how the Lord has brought you to your girls and might as well not plan on wearing makeup or going anywhere after I read your blog posts. I cry at every picture! God is soooo good! Oh and I LOVE their Russian names!
Hang in there! You can do this! Yes it is heartbreaking about the others and we just have to pray that others will be able to adopt them too! Love to you all!
Lanetta, I am praying SO hard!! I get so excited to come home and read your posts everyday!! I saw where someone said they check this before facebook. . .which is funny because Jody was just joking with me last night about how he can't believe I found something that comes before facebook!! haha It takes me SO long to read your posts because most of the time, I read through (because I'm so excited to get all of the info) and then I reread and stop at every prayer request to pray. . .I am SO glad you include your prayer requests. . .it helps those of us who feel helpless feel like we are doing something. I have been sharing your story with SO many people. . .and have even let a few of them read your posts with me. Everyone is very touched and has the utmost respect and admiration for you and Phil. Thank you SO much for sharing all that you do!! Praying that God calms your fears and mends your heartbreaks ASAP!!
P.S.-I am LOVING the speech progress the girls are making. . .just so you know, many of my kids that I'm working with right now (VERY severe population) are not making NEAR the progress your beautiful girls have made. . .must be a combination of a GREAT SLP/momma and VERY smart girls!!! :)
I make hairbows and sell them in my step-sister's boutique and have began making some for your girls!! I will be sending bows and a very special book that my precious momma used to read me every night to your mom's address since I have it from the last email you sent.
Thanks for being so generous in taking the time and effort and posting so much info and pics daily!! Love you guys!!
Summer and Jody Henson
Wow....what a stressful visit. I am praying for all of you. I know it is emotional being away from your other girls but I can't imagine the emotions you are dealing with day to day at the orphanage.
I agree that you will never be the same. I still worry about the children in Kobe's orphanage & the lives they are living each day. Joby tells people all the time that our lives changed in more ways than one.
I must admit our experience wasn't anything close to what you are dealing with each day. Our doctor loved us & even went to court with us & spoke to the judge on how great we were with Kobe. We were allowed to give him juice & snacks. We were even allowed to buy cookies for the other children in his group. We feed Kobe his lunch every day before our morning visit was over.
Why didn't your girls have food yesterday? Quite disturbing!!!
I am praying that the doctor will have a change of heart towards you & the girls. With God all things are possible!!!!
Lanetta & Phil,
You are doing the right thing by praying for this doctor. She is trying to show you who is "in charge" of those sweet little girls and it looks like she wants to intimidate you. As hard as this is, keep praying. Keep lovin' on those girls. Don't let her get at you mama and papa bear! We had troubles with the doctors at 2 different orphanages. Heck, they even tried bossing Greg around! We bite our tounges for the benefit of the larger picture. Their medical beliefs are so different than ours. It is really hard to submit to their requests - especially with Faith being sick. :(
I will continue to pray for all involved and for your back Phil. Stay strong in the Lord during frustrating days like today.
Post a Comment